What to Look for When Choosing a Coach: The Secret Traits That Make the Best Coaches

When it comes to choosing a coach, it can be hard to know what really matters. Coaching is a largely unregulated industry, which means anyone can call themselves a coach and the spectrum of what is considered 'coaching' is vast.

Because of this, I’m a big advocate for making sure you choose someone qualified by a recognised governing body. This is your baseline, but don't let your filtering stop there. While certifications, qualifications, and experience matter, the coaches who truly make a difference share something deeper: an authenticity and presence that cannot be measured on paper.

Honesty & Self-Awareness

A thread I’ve noticed running through the best coaches I’ve worked alongside, or come across over the years, is this: their excellence comes from how fully themselves they allow themselves to be. A great coach is present with you because they are present with themselves. They’ve noticed their own patterns, their triggers, the ways they protect themselves, and they’ve done the work to stay curious and aware. They’ve faced challenges, been supported, reflected deeply, and continue to grow. This self-awareness gives them the capacity to hold space for you without performing, explaining, or pretending.

Compassion & depth

You can often feel a coach’s depth in the way they hold a session. Their ability to stay with a client’s grief, fear, or uncertainty is shaped by how they’ve navigated their own landscape. You’ll probably never hear the details of these experiences, the loss of a parent, the repeated failing of an exam, but you’ll sense their ease and lightness when your tears surface, or in their ability to hold silence for what feels like hours longer than you would. Their calm in those moments marks the quiet, lived experiences that build the capacity and resilience to sit with another person fully, empathetically, and safely.

Challenge

If a coach isn’t inviting you to confront challenge, they’re not fulfilling their role. A great coach will create a thoughtful and safe space where you can stretch and explore blind spots you might normally avoid. The questions they ask push you to consider what’s difficult to face, yet the environment feels contained enough for you to lean in. Challenge isn’t about discomfort for its own sake, it’s an invitation to notice, to safely explore unchartered territory and the things that are holding us back, a space to reflect and grow.

Respect

Respect is equally essential. Do you feel seen and treated as an equal? Or do you notice subtle dynamics that leave you unsure, overly controlled, or like you have to bend the truth to fit their expectations? Do you feel overly nurtured, or, on the flip side, like you can get away with anything without real accountability? A great coach balances freedom and boundaries, giving you space to be yourself while maintaining integrity and trust.

Fun!

A great coaching relationship also makes space for fun and playfulness. Sessions shouldn’t feel heavy or like an endurance test, but like you’re doing meaningful work that also feels capable and enjoyable. A coach who brings lightness alongside depth helps you explore challenges without feeling overwhelmed, and reminds you that growth can be engaging, energising, and even a little fun.

Working with an authentic coach is more about who they are than what they teach. It’s about the way they show up in the world, the way they hold space, and the way they make you feel. They invite you to bring curiosity, self-compassion, and presence into your own life.

So when meeting a coach, ask yourself 'Does this coach create space for me to tend to that raw, unfiltered version of myself, to grow into someone integrated, resilient, and capable of more than I previously imagined?' if they answer is yes, you've found your coach!

Hopefully this gives you a sense of what to look for in a coach. It’s not about ticking boxes or finding perfection, it’s about finding someone who shows up fully, challenges you kindly, and makes the journey feel safe, engaging, and even a little fun. A great coach helps you see that you’re capable, enough, and ready to flourish just as you are.